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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  February 18, 2015 11:00pm-11:32pm PST

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(gasping) fig! >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the "daily show." my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight-- oh, man. you gotta see this movie. you got to see her performance in this movie. jennifer aniston is going to be joining us in this film called "cake."
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it's delicious. no she's-- she's unbelievable in it. but first, if you're like me-- no? all right? you woke up this morning with a difficult-to-articulate sense of panic, a kind of directionlessness, as though half of our wealth and almost all of our power was unaccounted for it with strangely 99.99% of our people still here. you're not imagining things. >> the world's economic forum is under way in davos, switzerland. it is the annual gathering of the world's financial and political elite of the swiss resort. >> jon: ah! the world economic forum. where the elite meet to eat panda meat. off a call girl's seat. mmm! try to get a table. that's-- mmm. i wish there was one perfect fact to explain the kind of event the world economic forum really is. >> 1700 private jets are
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expected to be used. ( laughter ) >> jon: 1700 private jets. that's why the 2015 forum is brought to you by sky-bidet. sky-bidets-- the world's leader in private jet intimate hygiene. sky-bidets. you work hard, but your taint shouldn't have to. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i'm not sure-- i don't know how your taint would work hard anyway, but still. i mean i can't believe you have to supply your own private plane. can't you jet pool. what is the topic of discussion this year that is no important nobody could wait for a commercial flight. >> climate change a big topic at the world economic forum. ( laughter ). >> jon: as in can you believe how much compliement we changed? any other conference topics that may seem, when jex taposed with the world's largest fleet of private jets, seem achingly
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lacking in awareness. >> one of the biggest issues here in davos is the issue of global inequality. >> jon: oh yes! global inequality! it's actually the in-flight magazine of the 1700-strong davos jet fleet. who am i kidding? come on, i'm excited. come ofinancial networks, spruce the individuals are you supposedly covering as journalists as though they were superstars you would do anything to ( bleep ). >> the super bowls of business. we got some true all stars. >> the lineup includes goldman is upon. >> plus c.e.o. frs dow aetna, linovo novartis and more. >> jon: with special appearances by montgomery burns. the ghost of john d. rockefeller. the biblical personification of wealth, mammon. but, of course, the get-together
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is not just a celebration but a chance for the powerful to reflect on how the world has changed since the devastating financial collapse. that many of them caused and are profiting from. j.p. morgan chase c.e.o. jamie dimon. >> you made some provocative comments last week. you said the bank is under assault from regulators. >> i was referring to the fact that there are lots of different regulators. it's hard to deal with. we're going to deal with it. my job is to deal with it not to complain about it. >> jon: complaining about it is just my passion. ( laughter ) while some called for giant banks like morgan to be broken up jamie dimon would just like to let you know how hard something like that would be on us. >> a lot of my directors have mentioned to me that some of their companies were under some pressure to break up and thank god they didn't. the company itself was a port of safety in the storm. we will be a port in the next storm. and you want me to be a port. you want me to be here. >> jon: what's with the "few good men" ( bleep ). you want me on that wall street!
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you need me on that wall street! you can't handle the truth! well you can't afford it. it's really exprensive, the truth. of course, not all the financial institutions are defensive about regulations. a.i.g. is taking it very well. >> whether we think it's a good thing or not, we're going to live with it and make the best of it. for a couple of reasons. one, it is a second set of eyes. the second thing is when we go to our clients and brokers and so on and say, "2008 will never happen again," part of the answer is i've got fed looking over my shoulder so we couldn't do '08 again if we wanted to. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: no, no no. "a" why would you want to? we couldn't collapse the economy again if we wanted to. not that we want to. and, also, do in '08. the financial collapse has lingo
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status. man, did you just 'yait that. and who just lehmaned in the elevator? this appears to be the problem the financial titans titans are all facing. they know how great they are but we don't get it because we're still remembering the collapse of the economy that they did. so the quandary is, if you're them, how do you get to keep celebrating yourself at places like davos while still staying below the radar. a great example is the company metlife. metlife is not just a regrettable tattoo from my favorite baseball. i didn't realize i thought his whole body was baseball. it really is just his head. they're also a massive insurance conglomerate facing a changing regulatory environment. >> regulators declared metlife so big its failure could destabilize the financial markets.
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>> metlife said it is not too big to stale faille. >> metlife is suing the u.s. government. >> jon: what? we're not that big and to prove twe are take ago federal government. mano a mano in a battle of equals. i mean, i hope we can afford it. look, maybe government is wrong. who has even been spreading the idea that metlife is some global economic colossus anyway? ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) >> jon: all right, metlife has been spreading that idea. in presentations to its shareholders. so if metlife believes themselves to be a giant cob glomerate, what's their problem with being labeled systemically important anyway?
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wouldn't they want that? why does that matter? >> now metlife must increase its cushion of capital against losses. >> they don't want to be forced to hold extra capital which brings down their profits. >> jon: ah. so basically government is saying to metlife i know you think everything's fine, but extra capital would provide you some-- oh, i don't know. what's the word i'm looking for-- cushion, significant? insurance. ( laughter ) because as a wise, bald, eight-year-old failed football kicker once said to me when he was trying to get me to buy something-- well, why don't i let him tell you. >> i never realized the world was so full of hazards. that's why there's a company like met life because sometimes things do get out of control. that's why you should get met. it pays. >> jon:
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♪ pepsi is giving away 100 days of awesome music prizes. follow us on twitter and hashtag out of the blue with a picture of pepsi. ♪ ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: hey, everybody! welcome back to the show! i'm so excited. from time to time we like to get an international perspective on current events. mainly to confirm we really don't know anything about international events. we're happy to welcome back to the program our senior international correspondent from south africa. trevor noah is here! trevor! nice to see you. >> thank you jon. >> jon: thank you for being
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here. >> obviously we're all still reeling from the terrible events of january 7. >> jon: oh, right, no that's-- the "charlie hebdo" massacre, paris. >> well that too but i was actually talking about the baga and doran baga massacres in nigeria. >> jon: yes. baga and doran baga. are those nigerian satirical magazines? >> no, they're towns jon. they were tens of thousands. boko haram destroyed them and killed thousands of people. >> jon: yes! boko haram. i've heard of them. hashtag bring back our girls. >> yeah, that's right. well, hashtag they didn't. in fact since then, boko haram has captured an area the size of slovakia. that's two slovenias. that's nine million american football fields. >> jon: holy ( bleep )! that's a lot of area. i did not realize. >> you know what, you're not the only one jon. not a single head of state went to nay jerry after the attacks,
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not even obama and he's african. >> jon: well, well, african american. he was not born in africa. born in hawaii. >> oh, yeah, right. yeah, yeah, yeah. ( laughter ) i got you. i got you. >> jon: if it makes you feel better obama didn't go to paris either. >> yeah, but at least you could have sent us jails taylor. what? africa doesn't get a friend? ( laughter ) >> jon: settle for paul simon? >> oh okay but only if he promises not to steal our music. hashtag bring back our songs. look jon, in france 1.6 million people marched for 12 cartoonists, which is great. but by that math the whole world should have been marching in nigeria. sometimes it just feels like africa is the vegas of islamic terror-- what happens in africa stays in africa. >> jon: that was a tremendous accent. ( laughter ) >> thank you. >> jon: well, you know, doesn't it stay in africa? i mean, does it really affect us
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here? >> you'd think that, jon. but what about the underwear bomber? he was nigerian. >> jon: oh, right. and because of him, you know nobody is allowed to wear underwear on airplanes no displ i-- i think you are. >> jon: better safe than sorry is what i would say. the point is this-- "charlie hebdo" was a direct attack on our western values of free speech and expression. >> right. and boko haram literally means western education is forbidden. >> jon: really? >> you see, jon, we're fighting the same terrorism, so next time just include us in your marches. nigerian school girls use pencils, too, so you don't even have to change the props. >> jon: you know we'd love to, trevor honestly, the states would love to but our global war on terror calendar is so full between isis they're trying to sipt a caliphate. >> so is boko haram. they kidnap people, sell them into slavery. >> jon: pretty isis-ish.
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>> they wear these costumes. >> jon: holy ( bleep ). that's isis-ish. that's like isis couture. >> wraeb arab spring collection. they even have the same flag, jon displ the same ?rag flag? that's just lazy. >> don't you see jon, boko haram is black isis. >> jon: that sounds like the most awesome pam grier movie ever. ( laughter ) >> you know, jon, boko haram must feel like tyler perry-- huge numbers but no recognition. ( laughter ). >> jon: look trevor, i get it, but we're so busy fighting-- >> you know what? that's too bad because if boko haram is not stopped they might take over nigeria's oil field? what? nigeria's what? >> oil. nigeria has the world's tenth biggest oil reserves, 37 billion barrels. ( laughter )
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>> jon: now that i think about twe do have an opening rye after-- i think-- in between isis and yemen i think we can squeeze you in. perhaps we can have james taylor over there right away. all we have to do is call and ♪ be there yes he will ♪ you've got a friend ♪ >> je suis too young to know that song, but thank you. >> jon: thank you, trevor. trevor noah everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and blue cheese. fancy.
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actress-- her new film phenomenal called "cake." >> his boy for lunch. the day after tomorrow. >> what? >> i make them tomatoes. you like tomatoes, right? >> that's not the point! well, what did he say? >> he say yes. >> good. >> jon: she seems happy. it. ( laughter ) please welcome back to the program, jennifer aniston. ( cheers and applause )
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jennifer aniston is here. >> oh you're going to dance and sing for me displ i'm going to sing and dance because this is going to seem like a trope, a talk show trope. but i mean it sincerely. the performance here is so wonderful-- not unexpected but wonderful. >> well, thank you! >> jon: you're very welcome. >> you just troped me. >> jon: you have been troped, lady. i will meme you once i trope you. when you do this so, it is a risk to some extent. >> yeah. >> jon: you're putting yourself out there in a manner that, you know people are maybe not as accustomed to seeing you. >> right, yeah. >> jon: is the mindset i just feel like challenging myself? do you consider those types of things? what's the mindset? >> no, the mindset is screw it. i want to -- >> i don't cotton to that type of language? >> i'm so sorry. i'm not going to cotton to that type of language. >> jon: say ( bleep ) or don't say anything.
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>> i can say ( bleep ). >> jon: i think so. >> so i said ( bleep ) it. i wanted to challenge myself. i really did. i was ready to do it, and i was tired of-- of-- i love-- i love comedies. we all love comedies. we like to laugh. we want to escape. but i also know i want-- there's so much, in all of us actors, i'm sure that we want to explore and i was just ready to do it and this came along and i wasn't available so i had to kind of wait and wait and beg to get in that room and, you know-- >> jon: and you say "no available." what does that mean? >> that means it was offered to another actress at the time. yeah. >> jon: and do you have to wait for that person to-- >> i think somebody may have killed them. no nobody killed anybody. no it didn't work out. so luckily for me, i was able to go and throw my hat in the ring. and then-- then-- then comes the fear of, like, oh wow. so let's get cracking. >> jon: it's the story about a woman who is in intense
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physical and emotional pain. so you're carrying that throughout it. >> yeah. >> jon: but you have to do it without-- without tipping it. it's a difficult proposition. >> yeah, it was tricky. it was a lot of layers. >> jon: which is why they call it-- >> "cake." >> jon: you were so far ahead of me on that. it really was-- it is hard. this comes out this weekend-- >> tomorrow displ ask and you're done for a bit? you're the hardest working lady in show business? >> from here i go back home. >> jon: a vacation. do you have a vacation? >> i have to go to the saga wards. i got-- i got-- that's a fun night. and then there are a couple of things eye just work. i like to work. >> jon: why are there so many shows to go to for awards? i don't think i've ever seen an industry-- >> so many. >> jon: i've never seen anything like it. >> i don't. and i don't know why-- you know, it's that thing-- it's never been in my sort of motivation is having a trophy. but-- but it is sure nice when
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they call you realliarily and say that happened. i just never-- i've never experienced it. >> jon: don't you have to clear out all of december, january, and february to go to these? there's one of these dinners every-- every night. >> yeah. >> jon: for a variety of things. >> yeah. >> jon: comdierk i think we did it the right way. >> yeah. >> jon: we never-- >> never, no. they just give you one night and go that's it for you, funny people. that's all we're giving you. >> jon: a six pack and a hilton on the side of the highway in detroit and they say, "enjoy your life." is it the type of thing-- where these actors that you worked with previously? you know, maybe high-level-- unbelievable. >>unbelievable. >> anna kendrick, bill macy. >> jon: had you known each other? had you worked together before? >> i knew-- i had met police tee and bill along the way. and anna i just think is
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fabulous. sam i had never met. >> jon: an intimate experience, though. >> we go to the same gym. >> jon: i must have missed you guys because i go to the same gym. >> really, right when i walked out here there are two heavy weights right out there. is that for you? >> jon: yeah! >> you just kind of pump that just to get all ready before you come out -- >> i can't even get up in the morning without lifting ( bleep ). >> first thing being yourself. >> jon: don't let what appears to be an out-of-shape body and someone who in 15 years has gone from being young to ernest borgnine-- >> that's not true. >> jon: i'm not talking even mchale's navy. i'm talking spongebob era. >> you look the same except for some little salt and pepper
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silver fox thing happening as you did 20 years ago. >> jon: that is maybe the biggest, best lie anybody has ever-- that's very kind of you to say. >> you had dark -- >> that was your best performance? you're very good in "cake." >> i'm being serious. >> jon: but that-- it's interesting, we were-- i can't remember what it was. we were in the re-write. >> yes. >> jon: and i dropped my pen. and everyone froze. >> why? >> jon: because i think they wanted to see is he going to bend down? do you think he's going to go for it? >> you're talking like you're a very old man. >> jon: all right right, so here's what everybody's waiting to see? is he going to go for it? or just go back to the mug? >> go back to the mug. what did you do? what happens if i just do that? >> jon: gito the mug. that's what old people do. ( laughter ) it's a new thing. "cake." >> yes, sir. >> jon: is going to be in the theaters tomorrow.
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go see it. you're going to get blown away by this. it's wonderful. jennifer aniston, thank you for joining us. >> thanks.
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10 gigabytes of free 4g lte data. only from t-mobile. ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: that's our show. here it is, your moment of zen. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> larry: tonightly. we're getting ready for super bowl sunday. i don't want to take sides here, but it's between the seahawks and the cheaters. ( cheers and applause ) all right. now is tom brady re

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